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Positive Motivation Part 2: Goals

(Following on from Positive Motivation Part 1)

It is fair to say that to achieve anything in life that is difficult, a strong personal motivation is required. In part, motivation can be characterised as an ability to overcome obsticles and to achieve goals. However, the latin root of the word motivation simply means to move. So motivation means action.

In the previous post on motivation, I looked at how people can move towards an experience (achievement, satisfaction, etc) but often move away from an experience (stress, anxiety, failure). From that post, it should appear obvious that it is better to try and move towards an experience, the achievement of a goal. However, in order to do that, you need to know just what it is you’re trying to achieve, why you’re trying to achieve it, and how you’re going to get there.

Setting Your Goals
Firstly, be specific. Rather than “I want a better job” or “I want to study” (or “I want a cleaner house” or “I want to lose weight” etc, etc!) state precisely which better job you want, or what subject you want to study, and to what level (”I want a kitchen that is cleaned once per day, a bathroom that is cleaned once per week, etc”; “I want to be a slim and healthy 8 stone“…)

Interestingly, it is best to set positive goals rather than negative goals. By this I mean it is better to state “I want to achieve a healthy and slim body that weights 8 stone” rather than “I want to lose 3 stone”. Consider that when setting your goals.

Secondly, ask yourself why this goal? Achieving worthwhile goals requires effort. There will be obstacles to overcome, a routine to build. So - what benefits will you receive through achieving your goal? Where your goal sits well with your values, your beliefs, and your identity, it will be easier to achieve. The less congruent you are with your goal, the more you’ll have to adapt as a person to achieve it.

For example, if you decide you want to study for a change in career. What benefit will you gain through that change? More money? More status? Are those things important to you? Is it that you are only considering moving from a job you actually like, because you feel that your friends are ‘ahead’ of you in the career ‘arms race’? Consider what you really want. Think about the things you enjoyed doing as a child, as a teenager. Think about your values, your beliefs (about yourself, the world, about what is important in other aspects of life).

If you’re looking to lose weight because you were bullied as an overweight child, and you’re actually quite happy being a curvy, then is the goal of slimming down really you? Consider the actual benefits of achieving your goal…

Planning Your Goals
Once you have stated your goal, you need to set a time limit on achieving that goal. The time limit introduces the element of the ticking clock, which will help define a timetable of action to achieve your goal. So, knowing what you want, and when you want it by, allows you to set practical tasks each day or week in order to achieve the sub-goals that will add up to achieving your main goal.

For example, if your goal is to achieve a slim and healthy body, weighting 8 stone, in time for your holiday in the first week in June, then you can work out how much exercise you will need to do each day, plus for how many days you’ll need to adjust your eating habits (weekly or daily sub-goals), in order to achieve that target weight. The point here is to determine a start point, an end point, and a timetable of regular action in between the two.

Your Routine
It is important that your routine allows you to achieve your sub-goals. Assume will power doesn’t exist; the more frequently you have to force yourself to act on your sub goals, the more likely it is that you will fail. Instead, take decision making out of the equation by developing a routine that you complete each day or week, that turn the regular action required to achieve sub-goals into habits.

It is thought that it only takes 30 days to build up a new habit, and 90 days for that habit to become deeply ingrained. Therefore, it is the first month that is the ‘danger period’. During this time, you need to give yourself the best fighting chance of building up those habitual routines that will vastly improve your chances of success.

Ensure that you pre-plan as much as possible. So if your goal is to lose weight, stock up the fridge with good, healthy food rather than needing to go out of your way to buy healthy food each day. If your goal is to get a better job, pre-order the jobs papers from your newsagents for delivery, so they spur you into action on arrival.

Go public with your goals. A fear of failure is a powerful motivator, but only if other people know that you have failed. Tell other people about your goals, and your sub-goals; particularly those close to you. Turn to them for support and encouragement. It is important that those close to you are behind you.

Similarly, find a role model who’s brain you can pick and arrange a regular meeting or phone call with that person. Use the Internet to find message boards and email lists for communities based around your goal; state your intentions here and build up enthusiasm and motivation. For that first month, this is a key step.

Tracking Your Goals
In the words of Dr Raj Persaud, from his excellent book “The Motivated Mind” he states:

“Tracking progress is an essential step to goal attainment because it helps you know how to adjust performance in order to attain your target. Tracking is unpopular as a motivational strategy because it often involves receiving unpleasant feedback about how badly you are doing. If however you don’t track and don’t get this feedback, you can’t adjust your strategy and performance in order to raise your game and get what you want.”

I definitely agree with Dr. Pasaud here. Use a diary, or better yet a calendar (make your goals public, see above) and literally each day you can put a nice big tick, or a as feedback; a reflection of just how well you’ve managed to do that day. This has two benefits: 1) It stops ostritch mode as much as possible, and 2) it breaks your goals down into daily, bite-size chunks, rather than one indigestable mega-goal. From clinical experience, nothing leads to fear more than seeing the task ahead as being unsurmountable…

Feedback is invaluable. Tracking your goals means you receive clear feedback at each stage in your progress. Where I disagree with Dr. Pasaud is the comment about feedback relating to how badly you’re doing. NLP has this to say:

There is no failure, only feedback… Consider this passage on Thomas Edison, inventor of the light bulb (amongst many other things):

One tough piece was finding the right material for the filament–that little wire inside the light bulb. He filled more than 40,000 pages with notes before he finally had a bulb that withstood a 40 hour test in his laboratory. (10) In 1879, after testing more that 1600 materials for the right filament, including coconut fiber, fishing line, and even hairs from a friend’s beard, Edison and his workers finally figured out what to use for the filament–carbonized bamboo…

He refused to become discouraged or view anything as a “failure.” As he would say, “Every wrong attempt discarded is a step forward.”

The point being: learn from your feedback. There are bound to be setbacks, so keep going. Persist, and you will find the way forward. Successful people investigate what went wrong, and how it can be changed. The rest of us give up.

Finally, as you get up and running. Be flexible. Understand that your plan will evolve as you evolve. Allow for evolution, but don’t let that become an excuse to be complacent. If you listen to any top athlete, they will always be focused on the next challenge, always be thinking of the next trophy…

To summarise then, the nature of goal setting is straight forward. Consider your starting point, specify in detail your ending point, and work out the steps you need to take in between. (Motivation = movement).

Then, devise a framework which needs to appear each day, or week, to accomodate those steps. Make the appearance of that framework, in a well-formed fashion, your sub-goal(s). Pre-plan as much as possible to make that framework as easy as possible to achieve.

After a while that framework will become habitual, but use regular feedback, support networks and a fear of public failure to get yourself up and running until then.

Use tracking to gain feedback on how well you’re doing, but remember to persist through difficulties - the difference between successfully achieving your goals, and failure, is one of persistence, overcoming obsticles…

And that’s everything for now. My final post in this series (I know, I know - you wait for ever and then three posts come along at once!) will be about the pitfalls a person can face with their goals, and what to do about them.

Warm regards,

Adrian
http://www.lastingchange.co.uk

How to decide what to do…

(more song chart memes here)

Positive Motivation Part 1: Procrastination

If you’ve ever procrastinated in life, you’ll know what a frustrating experience it can be. There are many ways to look at the theory of motivation and procrastination - it’s too great a scope for one post (hence the delay on getting this article published). However, there are certain key points that are worth bearing in mind…

As a hypnotherapist, I often work with a clients who are studying for exams. I recall one client from very early on in my practice. Aside from several assignments that required finishing, my client also had revision to complete in time for her final exams. Time was ticking away, and aware that she was leaving things to the last minute, she came to me for help.

After discussing the amount of work involved (she really was cutting it fine!) we discussed what happened when she tried to study:

“Well, I sit down, straighten out my books and start to get organised… Then, after around 10 minutes, I think ‘oh, a coffee would be nice!’ Then, after drinking my coffee, I’d perhaps just quickly check my email, before starting again. Or maybe I’d get this ‘heavy’ feeling, and go and watch the TV for a while. At some point I know I’ll be hungry, so I’ll probably go and eat something… After around four hours, I can honestly say I’ve looked at my books for about 15 minutes in total. Help!”

And this was in the days before Facebook!

I was interested to know: all of these things that are ostensibly relaxing, watching TV, eating, checking emails and browsing the ‘net; are you relaxed as you do them?

“No! At the back of my mind I’m thinking ‘God, I’ve really got to get some studying done tonight!’ As time goes on, I start to get this anxious feeling. I know that eventually it will get too much, and I’ll start. Then I’ll be really focused and get it done. But I also know that I won’t do half as well as I could, and I’m sick of not sleeping properly!“

And therein lies the problem. Most people motivate themselves through stress and worry. If you have a deadline by which something must be achieved (an essay for uni, a report for work, some DIY for the summer, even the washing up before bed-time), there are two ways of going about it:

Option 1. I will get that done now, and then I’ll be able to relax and enjoy the rest of the day/week/month/whatever.

Option 2. I’ve got plenty of time to get that done; I’ll put it out of my mind for now, and do it later…

So, logic would suggest that the first option is by far the best, even if it’s something you don’t want to do:

With option 1, you do it now; you might not enjoy it but you’ll feel good when it’s done. Then you can relax and enjoy other activities knowing that it’s no longer an issue.

Verses:

With option 2, you put it off. You know you won’t enjoy doing it, so do other things instead. However you become increasingly less relaxed as the deadline approaches, meaning you enjoy your time less and less. Eventually, the stress gets too much, and so you get it done (it’s still not enjoyable, but now you’re rushed and so enjoy it even less, whilst probably not doing as good a job).

If you compare the two options:

The second option means that the experience is more fraught

The time spent before the deadline is less relaxing and enjoyable

The overall results probably less impressive.

So that’s three powerful negatives… So the question is, why do we choose the second option!?

Well, that’s a big question, beyond the scope of this post. However, NLP has something to say about how we choose the second option. Often, the process goes something like this:

Step 1
A person thinks about doing the task. If there is a picture, it is usually gray and dim, and they see themselves looking unhappy. Often, time becomes forgotten and it is as if they’ll be stuck in that picture forever…

Step 2
As well as (or instead of a picture), they might say to themselves “I’ve really got to do that…” in a resigned, unhappy or even frustrated voice.

Step 3
As a result they feel really bad about doing the task. The behaviour that results from that feeling is one of “I’ll do it tomorrow…”

This process will invariably continue, until eventually the deadline looms. Then the process changes.

Step 1
The person thinks about doing the task, and a larger picture appears - one of the catastrophic results of not doing it (failing their exams, being sacked, their partner leaving them because of the mountainous pile of washing up that has accumulated)…

Step 2
They might then think to themselves “Okay, I’ve really got to get this done now, otherwise that will happen!”

Step 3
In response to this, a feeling of (ever increasing) anxiety is produced, until eventually, the person will spring into action in order to avoid catastrophe.

There is a more effective way… Try this instead:

Step 1
Firstly, consider what task you are struggling to do. Say to yourself, in the same tone of voice that you’d use if you were considering going dancing, or for a meal, or anything else that you like to do:

“It will be really nice when it’s done; I can relax then and put it out of my mind!”

Step 2
Then, make a bright picture* of doing what needs to be done. Adjust the picture so you look like you’re fine. If you’re studying, then looking focused, motivated, learning well. If you’re doing household chores, then seeing yourself doing it efficiently, even whistling while you work…

Step 3
Then, make a bright picture* of finishing what needs to be done. Putting down the pen and closing your books, drying the last dish, etc… And watch yourself looking really, really satisfied.

Step 4
Finally, step in to that picture as if it were happening, and feel how great you’ll feel when you’ve completed that job. With that feeling in mind, state to yourself in a clear and happy voice “I am becoming really motivated to study/wash up/write that report/etc.”

From there, you should feel really motivated, so make a start!

* (Some people just don’t see pictures clearly, no matter what the NLP books might tell you. Rather than worrying about this, imagine feeling focused, motivated, content etc as you think about doing what you need to be done; followed by feeling satisfied as you think about finishing off, knowing that it’s a task completed…)

Part 2 of this post will examine some of the reasons why the above might not work: goal setting & tracking, goal conflicts, fear of failure, and more…

That’s all for now - questions or comments please feel free to drop me a line.

Warm regards,

Adrian
http://www.lastingchange.co.uk

Well, it would appear that I am coming out of hibernation (in blogging terms at least). Firstly, apologies for the lack of updates recently.

You may have noticed changes to the pages What is Hypnosis and Why Hypnosis Helps as I have been revising these pages recently. Although they are not yet perfected, as I hope to incorporate some different ideas (in order to make them more scholarly and less dependent on the classic model of hypnosis). However, they are moving in the right direction.

Also, I’ve updated the Hypnotherapy in Manchester page. I want this page to accurately describe the experience of coming for a hypnotherapy session. If you are looking for an understanding of what it is like to see a professional hypnotherapist, this is a good place to start.

At present, my private practice is very busy, and my waiting list as a bit over subscribed at the moment. I apologise for this delay to all who have enquired recently. This is, at least in part, a reflection of the many enquiries I am receiving from the friends/colleagues/relatives of satisfied clients. It is rewarding to know that I am gaining recognition for helping people find change in their lives. It is even more rewarding is to know that people are changing, and that hypnosis and NLP works.

Aside from my private practice, I am currently working on a hypnosis MP3 download website. Progress on this project has been far slower than I would have liked. I have a domain ready to go (www.activeselfhypnosis.com) and the website part-built. Also, I have some of the recordings ready to be uploaded. I am hoping the full site will be online by June.

I am really excited about this project. Although self-hypnosis recordings cannot replace the power of one-to-one hypnosis sessions, they are in themselves powerful tools for change. I receive many enquiries from far-flung areas, both in the UK and overseas. It will be very satisfying to have the capacity to help people who I cannot see in person. The key will be the quality of the recordings themselves. Not in terms of sound quality (although I am recording them professionally) but the quality of the hypnotic process.

I very much enjoy the technical aspects of using hypnotic language to facilitate change. There are a plethora of dis-satisfactory hypnotic scripts available on the Internet. It will be my aim to offer recordings that utilise the latest thinking on hypnotic suggestion, such as Trevor Silvester’s WordWeaving ™ model, alongside ideas drawn from research on suggestibility, NLP, and even ideas such as Joseph Campbell’s The Heroes Journey.

Needless to say I am focused on making the available downloads amongst the very best available! If something is worth doing, it is worth doing well…

By the way - those of you who noticed the irony in the fact that my promised post on procrastination seemed to be delayed to infinity - apologies! Aside from the excuses reasons listed above, the problem was with the scope of the article. I really wanted to nail a definitive procedure for overcoming procrastination. The problem is, obviously, that all people are different and therefore there can be no definitive guide. That post shall be with you shortly, in a new, far tighter form, focusing on NLP (plus some handy hints garnered during my research) as a framework for change rather than, well, everything!

Finally. Those of you who know me, or have worked with me in the past couple of months, may be aware that a person very close to me has been through a terrible time recently. I won’t go into the details, but I want to say this to the person concerned:

The courage and determination with which you have fought against such a terrible set of circumstances has been an inspiration. You are bright, courageous, and have left a lasting impression on me. Use this event in your life to realise that you are stronger than you think. Apply that determination to other challenges in your life, and you will achieve more than you can even realise.

And with that, take care.

Adrian
www.lastingchange.co.uk

You may have noticed two new pages!

Why Hypnosis Helps - This page gives an overview as to why hypnosis is used to deliver therapeutic change. Hypnosis in itself is not a magic cure for a person’s ills, it is a resourceful state where change can happen on an unconscious level. Read more here…

Hypnotherapy in Manchester - This page gives an overview of my hypnotherapy practice in terms of what you can typically expect from a hypnotherapy session. Read more here…

I am currently working on a larger post to do with procrastination, which will no doubt be finished when I finally get around to it (haha!)

That’s all for now - take care,

Adrian
www.lastingchange.co.uk

Firstly, apologies for the lack of updates recently! February and March have been my busiest months ever in private practice. Because I am really passionate about my work I tend to put the effort in, meaning I receive a high number of referrals from previous happy clients. Recently the number of referrals has increased considerably.

So far this year I have experimented with some new techniques and approaches, both to hypnosis and NLP. I’ve found my success rate has increased correspondingly. In my view, it is important to keep practicing, honing and refining any skill, and to apply that skill both with creativity, and also a thorough approach. This way things stay fresh, abilities improve, and confidence grows.

As I state to all clients, I do not ‘fix’ a person’s problems. Rather, it is my job to guide a person through their own understanding of their problems so they can fix themselves. As a guide, I feel I am improving and I hope that continues!

In addition to all of this, I have been working on setting up a hypnotherapy mp3 download website. I am very excited about this project, and, as well as being able to offer top-quality mp3 downloads for purchase, I also intend to give away some downloads for free. More on this in the near future.

So. I’ll try to be a bit less tardy with the posts in future In the meantime, I have added two new pages:

What Is Hypnosis? Is a in-depth overview of just what hypnosis is, how it feels, what happens when it happens, etc. It is quite a long and detailed overview of the topic (for a page in a blog, anyway) but hopefully worth reading fully if you’re interested to know what hypnosis feels like…

What is NLP? Less long (but no less interesting!) - this is my answer to a question I get asked a lot. “Just what is NLP?” is one of those questions that people seem to disagree over the most. If you’re interested to know precisely what it is (and what it can do) simply follow the link.

Over the next few weeks I’ll be tweaking these pages a little, as some of the copy is a bit ropey. Also, I’ll be adding more pages, including some good practical information on Why Hypnosis Works, as well as some information on my private practice in Manchester (UK).

Until then, any questions or comments please get in touch.

Warm regards,

Adrian
www.lastingchange.co.uk

Following on from my post on Unhelpful Trances I wanted to look into the presenting problem of ‘comfort eating’ in more detail.

Comfort eating takes many forms. It could be an inability to stop eating even though you know you’ve eaten enough (in extreme cases, continuing to eat until you feel sick and bloated). It could be snacking in work or at home even though you know you aren’t hungry. It could be that you normally eat healthily, but then when you eat something ‘bad’ you just can’t stop yourself and you enter ‘binge’ territory.

As previously stated, the clue is in the title: comfort eating. As humans we naturally seek comfort. Shelter, warmth and food are fundamental survival needs. Comfort eating isn’t entirely irrational, as the act of eating is both comforting and distracting. The problem arises of course when eating food becomes a form of self-medication.

It could be that you are very stressed over something. It could be that you don’t like the way you look. It could be that you have guilt or anger or fear over some event(s) in the past. It could be that you are scared of success, and are looking at ways of sabotaging yourself. It could be that you are scared that you don’t fit in, that you’re not really lovable. All of these problems (and more) will result in behaviour that is comforting and distracting.

That resulting behaviour could be to do with drink, or drugs, or depression, or anxiety. That behaviour could be to do with driving yourself forward relentlessly (the workaholic), treating yourself badly through promiscuity or self-harming. That behaviour could be (and frequently is) using food as a form of medicine.

The problem is, of course, that food is a rubbish medicine. The comfort and distraction only lasts for as long as you are eating. Afterwards, you feel full and bloated (and will no doubt beat yourself up for your lack of control). Beyond that, and paradoxically, if your problem is because you fear that being overweight makes you unlovable, eating loads is only going to make that bad feeling worse.

Think about times when you have comfort eating. Did you kind of ‘zone out’? Drift into a trance, sometimes maybe not noticing that you ate automatically, or perhaps noticing that you were eating too much but unable to stop it? This is emotional hijacking, where the resulting behaviour (the comfort eating) has happened in a trance.

So how do you stop it? Well - hypnosis is very good at two things:

1- Changing behaviours from the inside; because you do your comfort eating in a trance, it stands to reason that behaviours to combat that (e.g. Finding it easy to notice that you’re full and feeling a strong urge to stop) will come from trance.

2- Changing beliefs about yourself; we all fear things like being unlovable, not fitting in, guilts or angers from our past. Hypnosis (and also NLP) are good at helping you see the real you which, I guarantee, will include a few bad points but many, many more good points! It is only changing how you feel about yourself for the better that will remove your need to make yourself feel better through food…

That’s all for now - check back soon for more updates.

Warm regards,

Adrian
www.lastingchange.co.uk

Carrying on from Unhelpful Trances (Part 1). One of the presuppositions of NLP is that “Every action has a positive intention.” It can be that the intention is selfish, or that the logic is broken, but nevertheless actions are intended to enhance our survival, or comfort. (Even self-sabotage, which usually happens if a person is fearful of success; therefore the comfort you will seek is the comfort of not going out on a limb…) Let’s look at the examples from Part 1 with fresh eyes:

- Felt nervous when meeting friends; perhaps you have a deep seated fear that they won’t like you, maybe based on bullying or a difficult relationship with your parents. In this case, the nervousness is saying “If we avoid meeting these people, then there is no way they can judge me harshly.”

- Smoking. Most smokers equate smoking with stress relief and enjoyment; the act of smoking is inherently comforting if you are addicted. If you are smoking more on auto-pilot than not, just check: how are your stress levels?

- Obsessing instead of sleeping. If you have too much on your plate, the act of trying to sleep can be ‘hijacked’ into a problem solving/brain-storming session. This behavior is very common amongst the chronically stressed and overworked.

- Comfort Eating. The clue is in the title - eating is, to some extent, comforting, distracting and pleasurable. Often in people the belief forms Eating = Comfort. If you have problems with self-esteem or (in my experience, and paradoxically) weight problems, it could be that you are turning to food for comfort.

- Dwelling in the past. Regret and guilt are often responsible for bad feelings in life. Perhaps everyone, at some stage in their life, has wished for a time-machine to undo things they’ve done, unsay things they’ve said. If you feel bad about your past it would make sense that you’d try to re-live it, re-invent it…

So, realise that all of those negative behaviours actually come from a positive place: to feel better. The only problem is that the action chosen by your Unconscious Mind to help you feel better is probably only making you feel worse…

Note that, above, I said “chosen by your Unconscious Mind” - that point bears repeating because it goes right to the heart of this post. The reason why you’re ‘zoning out’ in the middle of these difficult behaviours is that you are doing them with “Unconscious Competence”. Just like driving on autopilot.

You might feel you have no control, and to an extent you would be right, because the behaviour is coming from a deeper part of you; a part of you which grows strong in your nature (for the length of time it takes to think about and then do your problem behaviour). A part of you which has your best interests at heart, but which - by taking over the controls - causes you to lose some control and do things that make you then feel bad.

My advice? Firstly, stop feeling bad. Secondly, understand (alone or with help) just what it is you are trying to achieve. Understanding is the first step, although not the only step, to changing…

I know there is a lot to take in; I hope it all makes sense and if you have questions, leave a comment or better still email (there is a contact form on my website).

Warm regards,

Adrian
www.lastingchange.co.uk

Following on from my post What Is Trance, I wanted to discuss how Trance plays a part in unhelpful behaviours.

If, when driving along a route you know, you have had the experience of arriving at your destination without remembering the details of the journey - you have been in a trance. That is all trance is. So, you have driven “unconsciously”, which means that your driving abilities have reached the level of “Unconscious Competence”.

Unconscious Competence is the goal of all learning and, generally, a Good Thing.

So basically, whilst driving, you “zoned out” - you didn’t consciously control the car, your Unconscious Mind had the controls…

Now, if you are reading this blog, it is possible that you have experienced one (or more!) of the following:

- Felt nervous and awkward when meeting friends of friends.
- Smoked a cigarette even though you knew you didn’t really want it.
- Found yourself running trivial thoughts through your mind instead of drifting off to sleep.
- Despite feeling full, carried on eating your evening meal without even knowing why.
- Allowed memories of old mistakes to play through your mind repeatedly until you felt utterly desolate.

In each of these situations, it is possible that you’ve thought whilst “doing the problem” or, maybe, “after the event”: Why? Why am I nervous/smoking/obsessing/eating/etc? Why?!

Think about difficult behaviours you have in your life. You’ll probably notice that you ‘zone out’ whilst doing them. Makes sense? This is an unhelpful kind of trance. It can literally feel like something else takes over, that you’re ‘zoning out’, leaving you to beat yourself up about it afterwards.

In the middle of these trance behaviours, it can feel as if you have no control over it (or yourself). You might even argue with yourself before going on to do the thing you really don’t want to do. All of these things are a sign of “Emotional Hijacking”. An unhelpful kind of trance.

Trance has been characterised as something which “happens to a person”. The connection between this and the above examples, where a person is “taken over”, is obvious. The first, most important thing to do if you’re experiencing such episodes is:

Don’t beat yourself up over it afterwards! There is a reason that these episodes are happening. I’ll be discussing that reason in Part 2.

That’s all for now.

Warm regards,

Adrian
www.lastingchange.co.uk

I am currently working on a larger post to do with unhelpful trances, but in the meantime I wanted to discuss the “Inner Critic” and its effect on how we do in life.

We can all think thoughts. That much is true. We can think in terms of pictures, or sounds (also, smells and tastes, but they have more to do with feelings than thoughts).

For example: what colour is your front door? Is there a number on the door? By the side of the door? Are there windows in the door? A step leading up to the door? For you to answer these questions accurately, you must picture your front door. This is a form of thought.

Another example: Without speaking, recite the first 10 letters or so of the alphabet in your mind. A, B, C, D, E (etc, I’m sure you hear what mean!*) Hear it loud and clear? Good, now recite it again but in a loud, angry voice. How does that make you feel?

Now, recite those letters again in a calm, gentle and soothing voice; like a mother lulling a baby to sleep. How does that make you feel?

Welcome to the NLP World of “modality”. In this example, modality refers to a method by which human expression can take place (in other words, a “sense”). This example uses sense of sound. By changing the quality of the sound (from neutral to angry to harsh) you have changed, in NLP-Jargon terms the “submodality”.

It can be very, very useful to understand that you have control over the voices in your mind. It is not uncommon for insomniacs to keep themselves awake for hours simply by incessantly talking to themselves (in their own heads) IN A LOUD VOICE. (WHEN AM I GOING TO GOTO SLEEP? WHAT TIME IS IT NOW? HOW LONG ‘TILL I HAVE TO GET UP?) etc!

Not very soothing or relaxing I think you’ll agree.

Now, if the insomniac were to turn the volume down on that voice, and change the tone to a slow, soft husky voice “when… am… I… goooiiinnnggg… toooooo… sssssleeeeeep………”

(Apologies - almost nodded off there).

Changing the “submodalities” of that voice in your head can help in other situations as well. For example, if you are overweight, and you stand in front of a mirror and say to yourself:

“Horrible!”
“I’m a fat cow!”
“Disgusting!”
“I look a mess.”
“I’m fat and ugly… nobody would want me…”

(And understand that these are the edited version; that voice in your head is probably not as polite as mine…)

Well, the effect on your self-esteem (from the Latin ‘estimare’ meaning to estimate) isn’t going to be good. Now - the truth is, you might very well be fat. But, despite the excesses of our image-driven culture might suggest, being skinny does not make you a) a better person or b) happy.

Now, if I were to call you those names you say to yourself in front of the mirror, you’d probably smack me in the chops - and rightly so. Also, if I were to ask you to record those things you say to yourself and, whilst sleeping, listen to them over and over again - common sense would tell you not to do it.

So why listen to those things in your own head?

Here’s a good exercise that Paul McKenna teaches on his weight loss seminars:

1- Stand in front of the mirror.
2- Say some of those horrible nasty things you normally say to yourself.
3- Then, change the tone of the voice so it sounds like Joe Pasquale, or a chipmunk, or a dalek, or anything at all that sounds ridiculous and silly.
4- Realise that those nasty thoughts are just trying to motivate you to change…

That Voice In Your Head is still you; it’s a part of you that wants something better for you. The only problem is the way it is trying to motivate you isn’t working (and isn’t nice) so change it so it sounds stupid. It will soon shut up.

That’s all for now.

Adrian
www.lastingchange.co.uk

* Just a hypnotic suggestion

What is trance?

Now that is a good question!

According to the Maybepedia trance “is from Latin ‘transpire’: to cross, pass over…”

According to dictionary.com, trance is “a half-conscious state, seemingly between sleeping and waking, in which ability to function voluntarily may be suspended.”

According to Milton Erickson, the famous psychiatrist and psychotherapist/ hypnotherapist, trance is simply an everyday state where a person becomes fixated on something that captures their attention.

So - what does this all actually mean?

For those of you who drive, I’m sure you have had the experience of arriving at your destination and thinking “Oh, right - I’m here!” (this happens often when driving along a route you are familiar with). Arriving home or at work, you kind of snap out of it, and then go about the rest of your day. That is a kind of trance!

(Interesting to think that you’ve been in control of half-a-ton of moving metal in that state; even more interesting to realise that most of the other users of the road are in the same state. This is why, when traffic lights turn from red to green, people often just sit there… oblivious… in a deep form of trance).

Another example. In the evenings, when watching the TV, it can kind of suck you in so you forget about the rest of the room - it’s just you and the screen. Time flies by, you might even get pins-and-needles or cramp from sitting in the same place for too long. That fixation of attention is a kind of trance.

Day-dreaming, playing with a family pet, being with somebody you love (and the time just flies by), reading a good book, waiting for the train and just wandering in your own thoughts… All of these are forms of trance. Your attention has become fixated on something, and other stimuli fade into the background.

So that is trance! Nothing scary or mystical. As you have read these words, it is likely that you will have accessed a memory or thought of driving, or watching TV or whatever, and at those points you’ve slipped into a brief trance. When somebody will be talking to you later today, and as they’re talking you’re more aware of your own internal thoughts, then you’ll be in a trance again. The point is:

Trance is an everyday state that we slip in and out of many, many times per day.

Allow me to ask you this: when driving in a relaxed way, when reading or watching TV, when day-dreaming or relaxing in a bath or shower - are any of these states of mind unpleasant or scary? No, of course not. So if you’re thinking “Hypnosis - that seems a bit scary!” or “I could never go into a trance” realise that you are already going into trances every single day

That’s all for now. In my next post I hope to discuss how, when it comes to problem behaviours like comfort eating, feeling unconfident, smoking etc, trance always forms part of the problem and, therefore, part of the solution.

Warm regards,

Adrian
www.lastingchange.co.uk